Yeah, I am still here.

Yeah, I am still here.

Gotta love my post rate of once every other year!  Let's try and improve on this. shall we?

I recall a song from my high school days ...

Freedom of choice
Is what you've got
Freedom from choice is what you want

- Devo

So true, so true.  Sigh ...

Hi! My name is Jack and I am an online dater.  I am also a dad and an attorney but I spend much less time on those pursuits.

I hate online dating.  It controls my life.  It's like a drug. I don't think there are any 12 step programs.  There are only two ways out: one isn't terribly desirable; and the second relies on someone else, someone I have not met yet, someone whose name I don't know, someone is I find very attractive but I have never seen her face, someone, someone, someone.

Someone, I fear, may not even exist!  Oh shutter that thought from the mind ... dangerous, dangerous thoughts!

Another song just popped into my head.  Let's sing it in our minds:

Love is the drug I'm thinking of, love is the drug for me ...ohhh ooooohh ...

- Spandu Balłet

It's been three years since my divorce and four since the ex came to me one evening after the twins were put to bed and asked.  I protested, but she had been wanting this for some time, like years.  There was no changing her mind. My pleas to give counseling another try fell on deaf ears.  She actually was shocked I was so distraught about it.  Minutes to prepare vs years is a big difference.

At one point of weakness she seemed to relent but turned to me and said, "I have done things you could never forgive me for". Later I would realize this was a rare moment of honesty: something my ex doesn't have much of.  On the other hand, I can't lie even if my life depended on it. I am a terrible liar: I blame my parents. Together we exhibited about average honesty, I suppose.

Certainly, as we progress through this blog more will come out about her, but she isn't any more than an ancillary character, one of great importance in shaping my search but very little more.

I will say this about her: I am terribly glad she let me go.  My present struggles and tribulations are one thing but my continued life with her would have rendered me an emotionless shell kind of like a true life example of someone wearing a white Lycra full bodysuit.  You know, the ones that completely cover the wearer's head, face and all rendering the wearer nothing more than an inhuman humanoid lacking character, lacking emotion, lacking expression and lacking any reason to live.

Oh God!  I truly hate online dating.  I need my someone to get me off of it.  I need an intervention.